I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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