I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
