so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
