He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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