I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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