oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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