I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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