So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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