I wish I could teleport
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
