Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
