Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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