I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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