What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
