Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
