I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
my liver is dry heaving
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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