I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
His hands were made for my vagina.
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Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
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I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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