She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
