im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Welp...herpes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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