Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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