I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
