Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Randomize
