My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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