I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
