yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
