My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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