I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
No subtext here. People are naked.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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