; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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