I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
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i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
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The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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