i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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