The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
