Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
