i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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