Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
