would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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