Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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