they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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