Your face is a jimmy john
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
