I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This baby is an asshole
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just blew my weed a kiss
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
