"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
