Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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