I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
