lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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