i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
