I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
