Pappa wants mamma naked
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
