Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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