this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
high people should be assigned attendants
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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