If that was your dad, he is hot
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
