Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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