I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
