I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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