I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
