So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
