I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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