I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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