Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think I am morally bankrupt
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
