i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
