o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
