no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
