I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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