really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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