Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
