Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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