I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I had to cum in my sink.
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