got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
