I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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