You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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