don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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