I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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