I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
